Sea Sheperds Whale Wars on Animal Planet

Facebook post I felt compelled to chime in on --


Scott Randell (New Orleans, LA) wrote
at 9:23am on August 8th, 2009

I just joined, and I'm sure this will be my first and last post. The Sea Sheperd's are nothing but a bunch of whiny, nerdy, thugs. To protect something is one thing, to intentionally cause damage to someone else's property, while standing behind the lie "we're doing it in the name of saving the whales" is criminal at least. I watch Whale Wars, and like the show and the idea behind the show, but the actions and thought process of the crew and pirate Captain are deplorable.

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Rip Ription wrote to support and back up his new pal,
Scott the sensational at 5:28pm on August 15th, 2009

Right on, Mr. Randell! You're my kinna human, bubba!

Rest of ya, back off those righteous whalers! They're simply doing research to establish true numbers of declining whale populations. For each whale they kill, it can be firmly established via stringent scientific methodologies that's there's one less whale within that population. That's uncontested data my friends!

Just let them proceed, and eventually all the whales will be gone and there will be no need to continue the research! Alas, the Shepherds and whalers can then rejoice and reflect about the good ole days. Everyone wins! Except the whales of course, but screw them. This planet belongs to Homo Sapiens, period!

Animals were put here by the almighty for our exploitation and/or hunting pleasure. Make no mistake, all "non-human" animals are jealous of mankind cuz we got the thumbs! And if it weren't for Noah, they would not even be here!


I also stand behind the Japanese practice of shark finning. That's where they pull in those pesky man eating rascals by the hundreds, slice off the fins and immediately toss them back overboard to watch those nefarious creatures wiggle and squirm as they float to the bottom of their watery grave. It's really groovy to watch!

"Yah baybee, what do you think of that, mister bad ass shark monster! Not so bad ass now, are ya! Ahhh poor little sharky fish can't swim without its fin... boo hoo... Humans rule! Get use to it! After all, shark fin soup is what keeps us frisky so we can breed more humans insuring world domination!

Ya see kids, and most importantly, this also protects cute little seals, cuz those mean ole sharks eat them seals. Now the seals can breed profusely and over populate the worlds coastal regions, (just like they are now), and eat all those other pesky little pesca's that once permeated in OUR (humankind's) oceans! That leaves more room for us to swim and stuff.


Of course, no need to worry about seals depleting world fish populations cuz they're now in competition with "ah huh ah huh" The Man! (literally) -- Rulers of the World -- Dominate Species !! Let's hear for the top of the food chain! GooooOOO HUMANs!

Humanity is perfectly capable of wiping out all those other 'pesky little pesce' populations without the help of ball bouncing, obnoxious barking, fish munchin' seal punks. And we're making progress!

For example, there's now a 5 year moratorium on West Coast Salmon fishing. Some morons are actually trying to save those silly slippery slimy salmons! Piiifffttt... for what? Genetically altered farm raised salmons will do just fine! Though not as tasty as their soon to be extinct wild cousins, they're twice as stupid and put up no fight what so ever when being harvested! Now we can damn up those rivers and tributaries once used for spawning, and put to good use for HUMAN needs!

The moratorium's on Pollock and Cod fishing isn't working either... Muhahaha! Those (not so smart) schools of fish (the planets staple ocean bearing food source) are in rapid decline and with any luck, could be wiped out within the next decade! Be gone, cracker Cods and pesky Pollocks!

Of course Micky D's will have to seek another fish for the infamous "Fillet of Fish" sandwich, which we've all come to adore. I thinking goldfish, perhaps? We can genetically alter them to be huge, and the kids of the world can raise them from guppy-hood. As soon as they outgrow their goldfish bowl, instead of flushing them down the toilet, just send them off to your local McDonald's, and have 'em for dinner!

And those freaky tacky Tuna fishies? Haha, their days are numbered! Scientists claim that bluefin tuna, having been over fished for decades, is at risk of disappearing for good. Yahooooo! Those guys get real big, and take up lots of room in OUR oceans!

Let's get rid of them once and for all and set our sites upon those deceptively degenerate dolphin delinquents! Piffft... to think those permanent little friendly affixed smiles can keep them in our good graces... Oh contraire, monsieur dolphin din din... They taste every bit as good as Tuna and actually trust us enough to swim right up and say hello! "Look, it's Flipper! Did we bring some mayo and relish?" hehe... Just plug 'em with a harpoon and its dolphinfish casserole for dinner! Who's smiling now, tasty yet pathetic porpoise?

In closing, I again ask you to give those whalers a break - they're doing it for humanity, and i'm sure they have the whales best interest in mind. After all, they shoot them multiple times with a high powered rifle after the initial harpooning so they don't have to suffer as long. It's actually entertaining to take bets on how many bullets it will take to finally stop those stupid whales from floppin' around strugglin' to live 'n stuff.

Plus, I'm sure it's a hassle trying to pull them on board if they're still squirming and wigglin' for their life, so it's also a time saver thing. They are "WHALES" after all. Now, IMHO, that's professional whaling ethics, both merciful and chronologically efficient!

The trivial fact that endangered whales are worth a million bucks, (or a gazillion yen?) and those silly little Minkes are worth a mere quarter million is just a "maritime research bonus plan" coincidence.

One must look at the look at the bigger picture. Those obnoxious whale squeals can transverse thousands of miles through the ocean waters disrupting the sonar returns of the world's naval fleets which in turn, can have an adverse effect on mankind's ability to commit warfare on each other.


Cuz let's face it peeps, as the world food sources get more and more scarce, it's only time before we look at each other and think; "Hmmm... I wonder how that person would taste filleted and grilled with garlic and lemon?

I'm told by an old cannibal pal that we taste a lot like chicken! And though clowns might taste funny, and divorced women might taste bitter, all in all, we're actually quite tasty and nutritious! Alas, the old adage comes full circle... "You are what you eat" And humanity beware, asking a fellow human in the not so distant future, "Hey, what's for dinner?" might take on a whole new meaning.



To your species be true,

Grand PooBah - "Everyone has an opinion - mine are simply the correct ones"

Member: UESIFF (Underground Evolution of Sarcastic Intellectual Freedom Fighters)